Tuesday, December 29, 2009

so hard to be different

Well,I had realised long ago that I was different than most people, that I did not have the same thinking process, that I mostly never had the same thoughts and reactions with others.

Bohooo! I thought, what does it matter, I can live in my frame, in my thoughts, in my brain, in my world!!

But nope, actually nope, it figures that I can't, that I am not allowed, that I have to cross in some way or the other at some point with others cuz if not, they will take my happiness away, they wont leave me alone! The worst part is, they think that they do it for my own good, to make things easier for me, to make me happy within the society.

WELL DAMMIT, it actually pushes me to feel depressed, it pushes me deeper in my differences, it pushes me to stick with my fucking alterations more and more than ever.!!

It is damn hard to be different, I wish I could think, feel, function the same with the crowd, how easy would it be for happiness???? uummmm but I CAN NOT, cuz I CAN NOT!!!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

"Dost"

Sometimes some words are so powerful that you dont even need to say more... The word "dost" in turkish for which I can not think of a perfect translation means "longtime friend" or "real friend" or something to that effect.

So beeing back home, I realised how important those people are, who know you since you dont even know when! When you say something, they know what you mean without any further explanation or when you dont say something, they know what you dont wanna say kinda thing... A certain person called me tonight, late at night. We quickly catched up in some minutes of our say "frozen" time in three months. Yea we have been communicating through various messengers on and off line; however actually hearing the voice and hearing the tonation of the words in a conversation is really different!!!

No need to say how sad it is that I have to be constantly studying in my life during all those precious moments with those precious people mentioned above. I hereby declare (!) to those people that no matter how far I am, or no matter how long I dont call or give signs or whatsoever, their importance never changes, would and could not change, prooven by the fact that only a couple minutes are enough to catch up on the "lost/frozen" times that are spent miles away from each other!!!!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Geldim eve geldim !!

Geldim, Parislerden eve geldim, denizi görmeye geldim.
Bol uyumaya, yemeye içmeye geldim.
Ders çalışmaya, çalışamamaya, geldim!
Forumdaki Starbucksta kahve içerken kebap koklamaya geldim!
Ciğer yedim, Okan Bayülgeni izledim.

Ülkenin politik durumundan huzursuzluk duymaya geldim,
İktidara sinirlenmeye, hukukun işleyişinden korkmaya geldim,
Öyle oturmaya, bakarken görmemeye, sıkılmaya geldim,
Politikacılara sinirlenirken düşünmeye, düşündükçe yapmaya geldim,
Kendime ceket diktirdim.

Sonra evde karar verdim, okuyacağım öğreneceğim dedim
Geri geleceğim, yapacağım edeceğim değiştireceğim dedim!

Monday, December 21, 2009

I HAVE A QUESTION!!!

I have this question which has been bugging me for some years now and I might have shared this with certain people during those “lost in my deep thinking” trips that I get every now and then… I would like to “publicize” this question to see if somebody has some answers!

CAN ALLIGATORS JUMP???????

I know that they can jump from inside the water to outside the water (to land) when they are hunting, but that is not my question. My question is that, when you have an alligator following you on land and you manage to climb on a rock or whatsoever, can they jump to bite you? Or are you safe once you are on some higher location than ground level?

Or say that there is an alligator down the stairs in your house, can it climb the stairs? I wonder if it can push and pull itself up the stairs with its huge jaw… I guess not given the fact that the jaw would not fit on one step, but I still can not persuade myself that it is entirely safe.

Does anybody have any answers???

Friday, December 11, 2009

I came home by bike

Having drowned in my reading for the last couple of weeks(!), I decided today after my spanish class that I didn't wanna go back home right back to studying. I didn't really know what to do as I am a little broke this month, I decided to walk around on the streets but L, my friend, suggested that I should check out the Bon Marche, the oldest department store in Paris. So, I did, as depressing as it was to see all the super stylish stuff, I played a little Polyanna and thought, well.... I ll buy all this during the upcoming sales season. A couple of hours later, I felt really tired so I headed back home, that's when I decided to take a bike, rather than taking the metro.

Paris offers public bikes where you can take one from one station and leave it at the station closest to your destination. The bikes (or the system of biking, I haven't quiet totally figured out yet) is called "velib".

I took a velib, put some Etta James in my ears and started pedalling. I lived the romantic side of Paris under christmas lights (even if it was pretty damn cold). Etta James helped me dive deeper in my melancho
ly.

I am gonna keep preferring velib over the metro, to discover the most out of Paris. If you ask me this in person, I will totaly deny it but even though I might hear a lot of insults due to the fact that I don't really understand every little Parisian traffic rule, I will not let this little detail ruin my velib experience in Paris.