Tuesday, December 29, 2009

so hard to be different

Well,I had realised long ago that I was different than most people, that I did not have the same thinking process, that I mostly never had the same thoughts and reactions with others.

Bohooo! I thought, what does it matter, I can live in my frame, in my thoughts, in my brain, in my world!!

But nope, actually nope, it figures that I can't, that I am not allowed, that I have to cross in some way or the other at some point with others cuz if not, they will take my happiness away, they wont leave me alone! The worst part is, they think that they do it for my own good, to make things easier for me, to make me happy within the society.

WELL DAMMIT, it actually pushes me to feel depressed, it pushes me deeper in my differences, it pushes me to stick with my fucking alterations more and more than ever.!!

It is damn hard to be different, I wish I could think, feel, function the same with the crowd, how easy would it be for happiness???? uummmm but I CAN NOT, cuz I CAN NOT!!!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

"Dost"

Sometimes some words are so powerful that you dont even need to say more... The word "dost" in turkish for which I can not think of a perfect translation means "longtime friend" or "real friend" or something to that effect.

So beeing back home, I realised how important those people are, who know you since you dont even know when! When you say something, they know what you mean without any further explanation or when you dont say something, they know what you dont wanna say kinda thing... A certain person called me tonight, late at night. We quickly catched up in some minutes of our say "frozen" time in three months. Yea we have been communicating through various messengers on and off line; however actually hearing the voice and hearing the tonation of the words in a conversation is really different!!!

No need to say how sad it is that I have to be constantly studying in my life during all those precious moments with those precious people mentioned above. I hereby declare (!) to those people that no matter how far I am, or no matter how long I dont call or give signs or whatsoever, their importance never changes, would and could not change, prooven by the fact that only a couple minutes are enough to catch up on the "lost/frozen" times that are spent miles away from each other!!!!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Geldim eve geldim !!

Geldim, Parislerden eve geldim, denizi görmeye geldim.
Bol uyumaya, yemeye içmeye geldim.
Ders çalışmaya, çalışamamaya, geldim!
Forumdaki Starbucksta kahve içerken kebap koklamaya geldim!
Ciğer yedim, Okan Bayülgeni izledim.

Ülkenin politik durumundan huzursuzluk duymaya geldim,
İktidara sinirlenmeye, hukukun işleyişinden korkmaya geldim,
Öyle oturmaya, bakarken görmemeye, sıkılmaya geldim,
Politikacılara sinirlenirken düşünmeye, düşündükçe yapmaya geldim,
Kendime ceket diktirdim.

Sonra evde karar verdim, okuyacağım öğreneceğim dedim
Geri geleceğim, yapacağım edeceğim değiştireceğim dedim!

Monday, December 21, 2009

I HAVE A QUESTION!!!

I have this question which has been bugging me for some years now and I might have shared this with certain people during those “lost in my deep thinking” trips that I get every now and then… I would like to “publicize” this question to see if somebody has some answers!

CAN ALLIGATORS JUMP???????

I know that they can jump from inside the water to outside the water (to land) when they are hunting, but that is not my question. My question is that, when you have an alligator following you on land and you manage to climb on a rock or whatsoever, can they jump to bite you? Or are you safe once you are on some higher location than ground level?

Or say that there is an alligator down the stairs in your house, can it climb the stairs? I wonder if it can push and pull itself up the stairs with its huge jaw… I guess not given the fact that the jaw would not fit on one step, but I still can not persuade myself that it is entirely safe.

Does anybody have any answers???

Friday, December 11, 2009

I came home by bike

Having drowned in my reading for the last couple of weeks(!), I decided today after my spanish class that I didn't wanna go back home right back to studying. I didn't really know what to do as I am a little broke this month, I decided to walk around on the streets but L, my friend, suggested that I should check out the Bon Marche, the oldest department store in Paris. So, I did, as depressing as it was to see all the super stylish stuff, I played a little Polyanna and thought, well.... I ll buy all this during the upcoming sales season. A couple of hours later, I felt really tired so I headed back home, that's when I decided to take a bike, rather than taking the metro.

Paris offers public bikes where you can take one from one station and leave it at the station closest to your destination. The bikes (or the system of biking, I haven't quiet totally figured out yet) is called "velib".

I took a velib, put some Etta James in my ears and started pedalling. I lived the romantic side of Paris under christmas lights (even if it was pretty damn cold). Etta James helped me dive deeper in my melancho
ly.

I am gonna keep preferring velib over the metro, to discover the most out of Paris. If you ask me this in person, I will totaly deny it but even though I might hear a lot of insults due to the fact that I don't really understand every little Parisian traffic rule, I will not let this little detail ruin my velib experience in Paris.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Life on the Moon

So they ve discovered water sources on the moon!! "First lights of hope for founding life on the moon.." is the expression that throws me into my imagination:

"Hi, Where are you from?"

"From the moon....

Then I started thinking, wait!!! there s much less gravity on the moon, which means your face, your ass,your boobs are not subject to gravity!!!! Does that mean u can stay younger fo longer on the moon????

Then wait!!! less gravity means one step can take you three times further!! SO you get where you wanna get in less time?!! So time passes much slower on the moon??? Does that mean less stress, happier people???

Then I start to wake up from my imagination with the title of the next news: "YOU HAVE A PAPER TO PREPARE FOR MONDAY, GET BACK TO YOUR WORK!!"

Sunday, November 8, 2009

KARL LAGERFELD

November 7, 2009 Paris, St. Honore....

My sister: Excuse-me sir, I wanted to meet you, I am a fashion student in Istanbul, Durin Dagli (and she offers a hand-shake)

K.L: (shaking my sis's hand) Nice to meet you young lady...

Awkward silence....

Me: Have you been in Istanbul at all?

K.L: You know what, I don't know why, but I have never been there, I hear that its very beautiful!!

M: Yes, it indeed is, you should come, we would be glad to have you...

K.L: I will do come one day...

Awkward silence........

My sis: Nice to meet you again, good day...

K.L: Nice to meet you too....

Monday, November 2, 2009

Who said French people wont speak English??

I guess that there is this general understanding or experience for most people to think that French people do not speak English even though they can or they do.

Well, I did and do not experience so at all! Obviously I have a certain non-francophone accent when I speak French, so people realize that I am not French at all when I speak the language. I most frequently get the "where are you from?" question when I speak, but even worse, sometimes people reply to me in English. I kind of feel offended for my french when this happens but I try not to loose my cool and reply back in french and say, "dont worry, I understand and speak french". Sometimes it is persuasive enough and I get to continue the conversation in french,but sometimes it is not the case and they still talk back in English. So then, I wonder why so many people get the idea that French people would not speak English even though it seems like they can to some people around me.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Saturday, October 31, 2009

reference to a friend

My life goes on in Paris, better and better everyday! Throughout my busy life, I felt the need to write a blog referring to a friend who suggested I do not write enough on my blog...

In a few weeks, I will start to begin the next quarter of a century of my life having completed the last one. I start to get the notion of what "feeling a lot younger than your age" means. Nevertheless, I do feel close to my real age( yea only a couple years younger yet) maturing slowly and still getting to know myself through my daily experiences. So I realize over and over that I am a perplexe mind, always lost in details, never very decisif, always thinking "what if... or should I... or shall I..." though I get to find my way out after a tiring thinking process which leads me up to the more or less "a better solution for me".

As sad as I get when I see the new gray hair every once in a while, I prefer to think that it is a form of knowledge spurt and that the more is always the better!!!! SO, I am looking forward to the new quarter of century coming up for me, I will be partying really hard for this occasion, a little sad to be away from home but still happy to have many nice and good friends here, close to me!!!


Onur, kapitalizm nedir diye sormussun? kapitalizm, halkın cıkarlarının parada erimesidir bence.. e senin ornegin de bayaa somutlastırılmus hali, hahhah!

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Paris is little spaces

As most of you know and as I have mentioned it a couple of times in my blog (well,yea, all in turkish,sorry!)I am mostly settled in Paris after a little traumatic housing experience...
So now, I have started to hang out in "Café"s rather than walking up and down the streets looking for real estate agencies or visiting appartments. As I visit bookshops, get coffees here and there, I have realised how little personal space you get in Paris whether in your house or out on the street or even in shops anywhere in town... You can not stop in front of a bookshelf and get some time for yourself to look around, you gotta let people pass or you gotta move out of the way just in a few seconds after you spot what you need in the shop. The situation is not any better when you wanna sit down and breathe a little; you only get enough space for your ass in the Café because the person sitting at the next table is just next to your shoulder also squeezed in his/her chair getting some coffee.

Even so, Paris seems lively and artsy and stylish. You wanna dress up, get your music in your ears and walk the streets to run into a nice park or a nice boutique which seduces you. So I am looking forward to the upcoming year to enjoy the little time I have in Paris, study as much as I can and the rest of the time to enjoy what Paris has to offer, a little Opera or art exhibition or a fashion show maybe throughout the year!

Monday, October 12, 2009

yazmak istegi geldi... genelde huzunlu ve sıkıntılı olunca daha cok yazmak isteyen birisi oldugumdan uzuntulu ve sıkıntılı oldugumu dusunuorum.. dusunuyorum?? oyleyim! neyi dusunuyim ki!? Geldim, gelirken içimde bir sıkıntı bunaltı vardı ki burnumdan geldi hakkaten.. nasıl olduysa begendigim ev bok gibi cıktı... kokuyo, inanılmaz pis, eski, huzunlu, uzgun, korkunc... OK , hadi dedim temizleyim, kokusu gider.. yatak kılıflarını 90 dereceden yıkamaya basladım, onları cıkarana kadar canım cıktı takana kadar bi daha! perdelerden halıya kadar yıkadım, halı yıkama makinaları kiraladım gittim aldım getirdim, tasıdım yoruldum...
basladım eski kiracının esyalarını kutulara koymaya,eski, pis, dagınık, tozlu... pislikten aklınız cıkardı, dusundukce inanamıyorum! esyaları cıkarırken arasında fare kapanları buldum, korktum, sordum, ewt vardı dedi.. ya gene gelirse??
bir temizlikci buldum, bulduktan 3 gun sonraya randevu verdi, bir gun geldi ertesi gun de gelcekti sora aradı ev cok pis yapamıcam dedi!! temizlikci yaa temizlikci!!! ev cok pis, temizleyemem dedi!!!! e oturdum ben temizledim...
biliyomusun, yazmak istemiorum. sinirim bozuluyo...
simdi sonucta Pierre e soyledim, ben cıkmak istiyorum yapamıcam.. ayıp oldu, muhtemelen kızdı da.. herneyse nolursa olsun burada yapamayacagım cocuklar, baska yere yolum duser!!!

Saturday, October 3, 2009

veeeeee son!

he hee ingilizce yazcaktım.. yazcam yazcam.. su anda ruh durumum ve halim musait diil kusura bakmayın!

Parise yolculuk yakın, depresif duygular harekete geçmis bile, gittigim evde yatak bile olmama ihtimali yuksek!

bir hafta saga kos sola kos yerlestir temizle...

sora Polise git rapor ver, geldim, hastalıklı diilim, param var sukrolsun, size muhtac diilim multeci diilim (olsaydım da zarardan cok faydam olurdu), ewt geri de donecegim, kalmayacagım ...

sora git telefon hattı actır banka kartlarını topla, muhtemelen 15 gundur orada olmadıgın icin kartların gelmis bir de sonra donmus olsun, otur 15 gun daha onları bekle...

neyse, ben mi kasındım? ewt kendim istedim.. haaa bir de , ders programımı bilmiyorum, ders secme tarihlerini kacırmıs bile olabilirim, sınıf toplantısının oldugu gun Parise yolculuk ediyorum, yani onu da kacırıyorum... neyse herhalde hallederim bir sekilde, her zaman oldugu gibisinden...

ben depresifken beni arayın sorun olur mu?? gurbet malum, kolay degil ilk baslarda ...

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

uffff plan yapmak ne zor yahu, ozellikle benim icin.. detaycılık zor is, mukemmeliyetcilik ise bu dunyadaki en buyuk hammallık olabilir!! o da olsun ama o olurken bu da olsun, su da olsun... Su olurken bundan eksik kalmayayım; istediimi de yapayım gerekeni de yapayım hepsini yaparken vakit kaybetmiyeyim... yoruldum, ben kendi kendimden yoruldum! Gel gor ki degistiremiyorum, ben boyleyim, beeeen boyyyyyleyim!! (Yılmaz morgulden alıntı bknz. Okan Bayulgenin medya arkası)
Summer house,silence...Sleeping till late, sleeping by the pool, silence... Reading a lot, eating a lot...Birds...Pool side, light music, silence... The sun, hot sun! Boring, peaceful,relaxing,lonely. Old friends, good friends,close friends. Marriage,dancing,fun,tiring,drunkenness and yet more silence...

Sunday, August 30, 2009

4 days Paradise

It feels great to be on vacation, having accomplished all kinds of responsibilities for the current phase of my life before I start the next one. I can actually enjoy my time on the beach under the sun without worrying about what next to do when I go back.

I am in Gocek, on the west coast of Turkey, a perfectly preserved nature and sea, where you ask yourself if this may be the paradise you have been longing for during those endless nights of work. The weather is great, just as hot as I would like on a day under the sun. Water is not too cold, nor too hot... The restaurants on the coast of various little islands spread around Gocek are very primitive, yet so warm and delicious, I can hardly believe that this place is so preserved without the invasion of masses of tourists...

r.d.

why I will write in English

I feel blessed to have many friends that I deeply love, mostly turkish from childhood; but many more from all around the world as well... This is why I prefer to write in english as weird as it would be; but I would like to share parts of my life with all of my friends and not only those who are Turkish. So, here is my blog, some thoughts, some ideas and some memories from my life...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

İşte böyle başladım

Blog yazmayı uzun zamandır istiyordum ancak yogun hayat temposunda bir turlu blog oluşturmak bir yana bloguma isim ve başlık seçmek bile zor geliyordu ama en sonunda bugun böylece başlamış oldum. ..